The Wong Way

One of the creditable aspects about the thinking of Solicitor Wong that his wife, Judy, appreciated – and there were not many of them, by the way – was his ability to be awed when faced by the overwhelming power of a woman’s domineering vocalisation. Judy often, when out of sorts, would engineer the ploy of being the dominant member of the family whenever faced by a situation that had all of the hallmarks of a husband, intent on going on the rampage over some triviality with regard to the home. Judy, therefore, was taken aback one evening when Solicitor Wong announced that the problem with his wife was her utter ignorance of certain matters. Now, Judy had obtained a Master of Arts in English from The University of Hongkong and, as such, she was well equipped to offer her husband a good fight if needs be such. However, before she could utter a dickey bird, Solicitor Wong had started to instruct his wife as to the reason that her wrist-watch did not keep good time. He explained that he had visited the Cartier Boutique at Pacific Place  and was looking at wrist-watches for ladies – which made Judy, immediately, think that her husband wanted to buy her a present – when the saleslady explained the reason that some wrist-watches did not keep good time, sometimes running fast and sometimes running slowly. ‘I know what you are doing wrongly,’ Solicitor Wong told his wife with a great deal of authority. ‘It is because you sit too long near a television set. The Cartier saleslady told me all about magnetism and how watches are often influenced by television waves.’ Judy had, always, feared that Solicitor Wong was gullible, but this sounded as though he had gone completely bonkers. She decided to adopt the posture of a compliant little girl. ‘Shall I stop watching television, then?’ Judy asked her husband, innocently, as though she had just learned a lesson, long forgotten. ‘No. That is not necessary, but you must stay at least 10 feet away from the television set at all times when wearing a wrist-watch,’ Solicitor Wong explained in his most-authoritative court manner. Judy determined that her husband needed to see a psychiatrist as a matter of some urgency, but, for the time being, playing the role of the subservient and innocent wife, obeying her husband, was the best way to keep the peace.

But Solicitor Wong did not stop with wrist-watches. ‘Did you know, Judy, that a woman’s wrist-watch has to be one in which there is a battery in it. It is called a quartz wrist-watch. Because women have very tiny wrists, watch-makers cannot produce watches sufficiently thin so as to have mechanical movements.’ To Judy, this latest revelation from her solicitor husband sounded incredulous, even coming from a supposed man of letters, such as Solicitor Wong. ‘And from where did you obtain this intelligence?’ Judy asked innocently. ‘From the Bulgari Boutique at Pacific Place,’ came the answer. ‘The head watch salesman told me. I asked him for a ladies’ watch that was not a quartz one. Then, he told me that all of Bulgari’s watches for ladies are quartz because of the thinness of ladies’ wrists.’ And, in order to prove his point, Solicitor Wong pointed to his wife’s tiny wrist. ‘See! It’s thin and small … just like the salesman said it would be. All Chinese ladies have small, thin wrists.’ Judy asked: ‘Does that mean that I can never have a Bulgari wrist-watch?’ ‘Only a quartz one,’ came the answer from her learned husband. ‘Oh! Wonderful!’ screamed Judy as though attending a joyous celebration. ‘Let’s go tomorrow morning. I know just the one that I want. It has diamonds around the bezel … and it is blue.’  And, with that, she danced over to her stunned husband and planted a kiss on his cheek. 

Now, this is the type of situation in which a man should never place himself: Never, never, never claim to know very much about the things that a woman covets most – jeweled bracelets; ruby necklaces; diamond rings; brand-named dresses; furs; holidays in exotic places; and, so on. Women will, always, outwit a man when it comes to such matters because all women make a thorough study of the things that they want most. No man is her equal – even though a man may think that he is well equipped to master a woman in such combat. And the above narrative proves the point since Solicitor Wong hanged himself due to his own pride and arrogance – which turned out to be his Achilles’ Heel.  

From a wife’s point of view, she should always recall that ignorance is the mother of devotion … and the best way to obtain more expensive presents from a husband. 

From a wife’s point of view, she should always recall that ignorance is the mother of devotion … and the best way to obtain more expensive presents from a husband.